February 28, 2009
· Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged complaints, emotions, fiance, finances, friends and family, good things, graduation, houses, job, Love, Master's degree, Mum, random sinking depression, wedding, Wedding planning
Things are going pretty well…
-I will have my Master’s Degree in 10 weeks.
-I have a fiance who loves me madly and whom I love madly.
-I have a job.
-I’m relatively financially secure… not super-secure, but good for now.
-I have friends and family who care about me.
And yet tonight, I’m having one of my random sinking depressions.
I’m overwhelmed by the amount of school work I have left to do this semester. I’m overwhelmed by how expensive weddings are and how I want it to be a beautiful fairy-tale like party even though logically, I know we should just get eloped to save money and time and effort. I’m not happy as a part time grocery store employee and sometimes substitute teacher, but I don’t think I can get a full time job. I have a little bit of money, but not enough to be independent. My family and friends care about me and I care about them, but sometimes people just get on my nerves.
Sometimes I just want to run around screaming at the top of my lungs. Just to see if anyone would notice. I’m on an emotional rollercoaster that I just can’t deal with. Instead of actually getting anything done today, I made to do lists of the stuff I need to do. I planned for the cleaning craziness that will be happening once I graduate in May… and looked at houses online because Joel wants to get a house when his lease is up… except he keeps lowering the amount he would be willing/able to spend, but not changing the requirements that he has for said house. And we can’t afford the wedding we want, so how can he be looking for houses? Gah. I’ve got too much to worry about right now and I don’t feel like I can get anything done or calm down about anything and blargledeegoop.
And I miss my Mum and this Sunday would be her birthday if she were alive and it sucks that she’s dead and it still hurts and I hate that she’s not around. I hate that she won’t be here for my graduation from Grad School this May. She never graduated from college, so I’m sure she would be so fucking proud of me, but she’s not here to see it. FUCK. I don’t want to deal with this. I think that’s probably where a lot of these negative sinking depressive feelings are coming from, but I don’t want to deal with it because I don’t have time to deal with it… I have too much other stuff to do… I can’t afford to break down right now. I can’t afford to cry and let it out and deal with my emotions. Gah dammit. Crying now. Don’t have time. Need to stop. Gotta stop writing and go work on homework.
January 15, 2009
· Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged engagement, Joel, Love, ring
OMG! Picked up my engagement ring today!! It’s so beautiful, I can’t stop staring at my hand.
More Pictures on my Photobucket account: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v74/suzi42/Engagement/
January 8, 2009
· Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged engaged, fiance, Joel, Love, plans, ring, things to work on, wedding, weight, Weight Loss, Weight Watchers
because then I’ll break it. LoL.
But I am going back to Weight Watchers tonight and I plan on actually sticking to it and not cheating and actually losing weight. My cousin and my aunt have each lost over 60 pound on WW, so now I have proof that it works. Yes, I’ve heard about other people’s success stories, but it’s never been someone close to me, so that makes it more real. I am also planning on joining the Perinton Rec Center which is $24 a month if you are a student which includes a track, work out room, and swimming pool. Woot. So that should help. My fiance is considering joining as well because he is not particularly happy with the little bit of a tummy that he has.
Still don’t have an exact date for the wedding, although 5/15/2010 seems to be in the forefront… I don’t want to officially choose the date until we know if we have a reception place/ceremony site, which we can’t figure out until we have guest list estimate which I can’t get Joel to work on. I may just assume 150-200 people and start looking at locations more seriously… lalala, still excited to be engaged. Whenever I start feeling upset or unhappy about anything (including non-wedding related things), I can interrupt it with “We’re engaged!!!” and instantly feel better. 
It’s kinda funny because I feel like Joel and I have gotten even more lovey-dovey (if that’s possible). I don’t know how that is, but it’s definitely nice. I love my fiance!! (not that I didn’t before, I just felt like reiterating that)
A week until my ring is finished getting resized!!!! Woot Woot!!
January 1, 2009
· Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged engagement, fiance, happy, Joel, Love, poem, ring, wedding
Joel and I are engaged now!!! In half an hour, it’ll have been an entire day! 
I was cleaning my house for the party yesterday and I was stressed out and cranky and I needed to go pick Joel up from his apartment. He told me to come up when I got there, because he needed help carrying some stuff…
When I walked in, he was sitting on the couch, with a bunch of gerbera daisies and limonium on the table! (probably some of my favourite flowers)… and we sat there for a bit just hugging and being all snuggly and he handed me a poem and told me to read it out loud… I was too embarrassed to read it out loud, so I read it to myself. Here’s the poem:
Suzi is the girl for me
I just wish that you could see
Love I feel will always be
You are the love that sets me free
Be it shining outside or raining
With you I won’t be complaining
Me, I’ll smile with you anyway
Forever loving you, day after day
I love the way you smile
Love the way you’ll stay a while
You joke around so easily
So I hope that you’ll bear with me
Will you forgive a simple jest
You always laughed at all the rest
Merry little game by a nerd
Me? I’d read each first word.
And yes, it says merry not marry, but it’s a bad pun and that’s awesome and so us.
I of course said yes… and that I would also Pippin him.
He then told me that he didn’t have a ring because he looked online and at a couple places and just couldn’t find anything sufficiently “Suzi”, so we went ring shopping today!! We found a gooooooorgeous ring that was in the price range and very me. Click here to see it on the website. They have to resize it and stuff, so it won’t be ready until January 15th, but until then, I’m wearing my Claddagh ring as a “placeholder”.
The wedding is probably going to be in May 2010, perhaps the 15th… but that’s not set in stone yet. We need to figure out a venue and all that jazz first!!!
SOOOOO HAPPY!!!!
June 8, 2008
· Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged class, grad school, life, Love, Musings, Wegmans, Weight Loss, Weight Watchers, Work
Today was the final day in my first week back at Wegmans (although technically according to Wegmans scheduling Sunday counts as the next week, but shhhhhh). I worked over 30 hours this week, which is great because it means about 30 bucks shy of 300 dollars!! but at the same time it kinda sucked because on Monday, I apparently had left the department a mess and didn’t listen to the produce manager and was slacking off… none of which I recall, but Rachel took me aside on Thursday to ask what went wrong and to remind me that she didn’t hire me back just to stand there and look pretty. I know I wasn’t 100% on Monday, but I hadn’t slept the night before and it was my first day back and the first thing that happened was that someone’s order hadn’t been put together! Not that I’m just making excuses, but it was kinda overwhelming. Saturday was the Fairport senior ball so we had over 200 orders and that was ALL we did all day Saturday. I got there at 9:30 and made corsages and boutonnieres until 6:15… with a 20 minute lunch in there somewhere. Luckily corsages/bouts are probably one of my favourite things to do at work, as long as the customer isn’t standing right there as I make it. 30 hours was probably a bit much, when you add in my class and everything else… but I need the money.
Speaking of class, it’s going well, I guess. I still don’t feel like it applies all that much, but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be too hard/work-heavy, so I can survive. I’ve gotten to the point in my graduate studies where I am just desperate to get it over with. Knowing that with this class I have broken the boundary into the 2nd half of my program is thoroughly exciting. Although this class that I am taking would have been WAY more helpful before my first practicum, because we are learning all about guided reading and all that b.s. that has to do with younger learners that would’ve been REALLY NICE when I was working with a 2ND GRADER!!!! *sigh* Wow, I just realized that in 4 weeks this class will be done and I’ll be working on my 2nd practicum. Weird, summer classes are crazy short.
I gained 3 pounds this past week, because I didn’t write down ANYTHING I ate… which I guess shows how important the journal is to Weight Watchers success. So that puts my weightloss back at 3 pounds total instead of 6. Boo. But I have been writing everything down and I plan on working out a couple times this week and really working on eating more healthily, so hopefully I’ll be more successful. My friend, Gail, is coming to WW with me… which is nice because it really is easier to lose weight with someone there to support you (and someone to compete with… which I know is NOT what WW is about, but it helps me… oops).
Joel has his first day at eLogic tomorrow and I’m super excited for him. I don’t think he’s excited, because he doesn’t want to be a grown-up yet, but its exciting nonetheless. We’ve also been looking at apartments for him to live in, which has been interesting to say the least. He doesn’t tend to start things without being shoved in the right direction, so I called places and set up appointments and went with him, but now the decision is his, because it will be his apartment, not mine. Although I’ll probably a fair amount of time there… I just can’t live there because his parents would freak out. *sigh*
Being back at Wegmans and surrounded by flowers has gotten me thinking about wedding plans again… even though Joel hasn’t even proposed yet… but I spent most of my shift today planning out what flowers I want in my miiiiind, while helping customers and whatnot. I feel like such a crazy girl. I wish he would just propose so I’d be less insane and more intelligent for planning ahead. LoL. He’s been hinting that it might be soon, which would be great. I want him to do it when he is ready, so I’m thinking it’ll probably be a few months so that he can settle into work/a new apartment before doing it…. or something. I dunno. For all I know, he could hand me a ring tomorrow. I really just need to stop thinking about it. *silly girl*
